THE SECRET LIFE OF AN
ANGEL
-after José Garcia Villa’s “Girl Singing”
Girl singing. Day. The old
man
of winter reaches for
immortality
with a lengthening shadow
despite my skipping away.
Girl singing! I insist. Day!
I chant like the Babaylan I
will
become to keep the clouds
from dimming the sun, from
milking the sky of its cobalt
gaze. He has worn many
disguises, and I have let
him:
the original angel who fell
and fell. “It’s a glorious
ride,”
he has whispered as part of
his
spell. “This is a game of
poker
I have lost, but no longer
wish
to play,” I reply. Girl
singing.
Day. I insist and proclaim:
“You cannot scoff, my secret
demon. For I played with high
stakes while you only
watched.”
Girl singing. Day. I risked
everything while you hedged
so I could sing notes
only virgin boys can muster,
only fearful dogs can hear.
I lost myself in the ‘valley
of evil’ but my wings
unfurled
to make me rise. Unlike your
wings, mine did not betray-
unfurling as I changed my
mind
for Heaven nearer than a
breath away.
The Poet's Notes on Her Poem
I was blessed to edit THE ANCHORED ANGEL: Selected Writings by José Garcia Villa (Kaya, 1999). The anthology received PEN Oakland's Josephine Miles Literary Prize. In my Notes for the Prize's Acceptance Speech, you will see several of Villa's poems including "Poem #21 (Girl Singing)." That poem came to inspire my series "Girl, Singing" including the above poem. As instigated by poet-editor John Bloomberg-Rissman, my poem came to be the prompt for nearly 40 poets and artists who, together, created the anthology 1000 VIEWS OF GIRL SINGING (Leafe Press, U.K., 2009).
As one can imagine, I was floored by the effect of my poem on others. But in the book, I presented a sheepish admission through this Afterword:
A
(SHEEPISH) AFTERWORD
Poetry is not
speech. Poetry is action. // Poems mostly don't interest me for their language
-- mostly, they interest me for their effect.
—from “The Blind Chatelaine’s Keys” Blog, Jan. 13,
2009
Okay. While I’ve been flattered and honored by John
Bloomberg-Rissman’s choice to use my poem “The Secret Life of an Angel” as the
springboard for this wonderful project, I’ve also been bemused. I don’t really think my poem is that
hot. For a poem that aspires to sing, it
feels rather clunky in places.
Having said that, I can only be VERY GRATEFUL to
all the participants in this anthology.
Thank you for your interest, and thank you for showing how a poem can be
a doorway into something far larger than anything an author could have intended
or anticipated. By doing so, you all
show why Poetry is marvelous!
However, I didn’t just admire the transformations
taken by this book’s participants. I was
also shamed into attempting to “improve” my original poem. It was unexpectedly complicated to do so
since I was no longer in the “space” in which I first created the poem. But I didn’t let that stop me for, the other
writers were never in that space! Here,
then, is my own textual transformation of my original version—this version uses
the form of a hay(na)ku sequence:
ANTI-WINTER: THE DOUBLE LIFE OF AN ANGEL
—after Eileen
Tabios' "The Secret Life of An Angel" after Jose Garcia Villa’s “Girl
Singing”
Girl singing.
Day.
Winter's old
man
reaches for
immortality
with a
lengthening
shadow despite
my
skipping
away.
Girl
singing! I
insist. Day!
Cheerfully
chant to keep
the clouds
from
dimming the
sun,
from milking
skies
of their
cobalt
gazes
bespeaking
purity.
He has worn
many guises,
and
I have let
him:
the original
angel
who fell and
fell—"glorious
ride,”
he has
whispered
for his
spell.
“This is a
game of
poker
I have lost,
but no
longer
wish to play,”
I reply.
Girl
singing.
Day! I
proclaim: “You
cannot
scoff, my
secret
demon. For
I
played with
high
stakes while
you
merely
watched.” Girl
singing. Day.
I
risked
everything while
you hedged.
I
sang notes
only
virgin boys
can
muster, only
fearful
dogs can
hear.
I lost myself
in everyone's
"valley
of evil"
but
my wings
unfurled
to make me
rise. Unlike
your
wings, mine
did
not betray.
Girl
singing.
Day. Beloved
wings
unfurled as
I
changed my
mind
for Heaven
nearer
than mere
breath
away. Girl
singing:
Day...oh. Daaaaaaaaay...oh. Girl
go singing
Daaaaaaaaaaayay....oh!
The last stanza was created to reflect a sense
of Jamaican music, a thought inspired by a conversation with Tim Gaze over
sound poetry. At the time I rewrote my
poem, I was discussing with Tim his brilliant book, NOOLOGY which
addresses glitchy (choppy, lurching electronic sound) visual poetry.
But perhaps I name-drop Tim Gaze to seem smarter
than I am, because I’m still not fully satisfied with my new text-version of
the poem. This version, however, feels
as if it’s as far as I can take it through words. Thus, I decided to do another
version, but this time through visual art, ... a “hay(na)ku collage” version of the poem, created from elements
of three advertisements (reflecting the three lines of a hay(na)ku stanza) ripped from the New York Times Sunday
Magazine....
Well, as my no-nonsense husband shared about my
collage, I “pose no threat to Jess or Rauschenberg.” But if [my collage] accomplishes
less than the proverbial effect of a (magnificent) thousand words, then perhaps
such a flaw is finally the appropriate place to leave this poem. For it occurs to me, too, that my original
poem is a manifestation of a wabi-sabi approach that’s long been a poetics
interest. It is often through the flaw
that the artist creates a space for others.
I am blessed that my poem’s “others” have been so
loving. Thank you John Bloomberg-Rissman
and everyone in 1000 VIEWS OF GIRL SINGING.
Eileen R. Tabios loves books and has released over 50 collections of poetry, fiction, essays, and experimental biographies from publishers in nine countries and cyberspace. Her 2018 poetry collections include HIRAETH: Tercets From the Last Archipelago and MURDER DEATH RESURRECTION: A Poetry Generator. She is the inventor of the poetry form “hay(na)ku” which will be the focus of a 15-year anniversary celebration at the San Francisco Public Library in 2018. Translated into eight languages, she also has edited, co-edited or conceptualized 13 anthologies of poetry, fiction and essays as well as served as editor or guest editor for various literary journals. Her writing and editing works have received recognition through awards, grants and residencies. More information is available at http://eileenrtabios.com